BRYAN ADAMS: True or False?

Bryan Adams (SUPPOSEDLY)

Went with Margot to the Bryan Adams concert at the K-ROCK centre last night. He reminded us all that he was born in Kingston. He said that it was 107 years ago, but I did not think that that was true. That would make him older than Mick Jagger!! So I looked it up. He was born in 1958. In Kingston. And you know what? I WAS BORN IN 1958.... IN KINGSTON!! The weird coincidences continue. When Bryan was born, his Dad was in the army. SO WAS MY DAD!! His Dad was working at The Staff College. SO WAS MY DAD!! His Dad was English. SO WAS MY DAD!! WHOA!!!

You KNOW where I'm going with this. I AM BRYAN ADAMS!! And... he is me. I told Margot about this. She just sighed, and said: "I wish".

...or is this Bryan Adams?

But what if it's true? What if.... what if we were accidentally switched at birth? Most of you probably think that that might be a rare sort of thing, but most of you probably do not pee at The Toucan very often, or as often as me. Over the urinals there, someone hangs interesting stories cut from papers like The National Enquirer and The Global Star. Next to The Globe and Mail and The New York Times, these are really quite fascinating news sources. From stories I have read while draining my bladder, I know that babies being switched at birth is as common as.... as common as.... well, as common as aliens performing colonoscopies on drugged and rudely violated rural Americans. In other words, all the time! Why, according to my sources (see above), there are residents of rural America who have had more alien anal probes than they have had visits to a family doctor. (Then again, their health system is VERY different from ours.) This fact certainly goes a long way toward explaining to Canadians why rural Americans feel compelled to carry loaded weapons and drive armoured vehicles. Maybe if I had been sodomized over two dozen times by visitors from "Out of State" I, too, would behave similarly. Who can say?

"Are there any other weird coincidences that come to mind?" Why.... yes! Bryan Adams first job was washing dishes when he was 15. In a restaurant. I have worked in restaurants every year of my life since I was 16. His career took a slightly different path after that, of course. While Bryan was rising in the Canadian rock music world like a rocket, I was.... still working in restaurants. But!! I OFTEN SING WHILE WORKING!! As does "the other Bryan Adams". Last night at the concert he sang quite a bit, and he was certainly working hard. I sing while I set up the bar in the morning. He sings and then he closes down a bar... in the morning. He has several Junos. I have a brick at Juno beach with my name on it. He has an album called: Waking Up the Neighbours. And guess what? I'VE DONE THAT!! I HAVE KEPT NEIGHBOURS AWAKE WITH MY MUSIC!! He has another album, called Reckless. I AM OFTEN RECKLESS!!

I need to hire a lawyer. I think that I have been deceived for long enough. I will begin by forcing him to change his name, legally, to: "The Alleged Bryan Adams". I will, at the same time, change mine to: "Possibly the Real Bryan Adams". We will go from there. Is the burden of proof on him, or on me?